Let's face it, we're all barbies.

I'm afraid that it is inevitable. I'm living in Utah, which Barbie will I become?

I live on the East Bench.

"East Bench Barbie" This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

I work in Kearns.

"Kearns Barbie" This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

I do taxes in West Valley

"West Valley Barbie" This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. White boy Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

I drive a subaru.

" The Avenues Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Avenues Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

I went to school in Provo.

"Provo Barbie" She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always at church meetings.

Kira's Ode

Okay, one more tonight.

Kira just finished her ode, so here it go... (es):

I know, I know… it's been way too long,
So I type this ode, to right my wrong.
I wish to say that much has changed,
I'm sad to say I'm still deranged.

The same old story, I'm still at school,
Why talk of this? It is sooo cruel.
I'll write of Cyd, and our party,
I wish we had invited someone named Marty.

It's really hard to rhyme with things like fondue,
I'd have to end my sentence with words like glue or pooh.
Oh crap, my sentences are now getting really really long…
I think maybe this isn't going to finish so strong.

It's 2:47 and we still are awake,
That must've been an awesome party, they must have had cake.
This ode is weak, I know, don't lie.
With this shame, I say goodbye.

For more from Kira, visit her blog.

Happy New Year! 2007

BEFORE

The effects of alcohol are apparent, kids. Don't drink and drive.

Don't drink and have your picture taken either.

DURING

An Ode

I've never been one to ode
but this I'll try for you, my friend.
You begged, you plode
(which means pled, but I had to find
something that rhymes with ode)

Kira is by me, the master of odes.
But she's drawing a blank, so here I goes...

ahh, crap. I'm no good at this.
Instead, I'll just show you a picture of my grandpa riding his tricycle.

Sarah and I met in St. George last weekend to visit my grandparents. They live in a retirement community and all the old men go out every morning for a ride on their giant tricycles. My grandpa loves this thing. He tells me, "You can ride a tricycle when you're a little boy and you can ride a tricycle when you're an old man." So my sister found this t-shirt and bought one for her son and one for my grandpa:
By the way, Kira and I had a fondue party tonight. It was nothing like the epic fondue party we had in AZ, but there were some good memories relived tonight.