Obsessed? I think not.

So as most (or the two of you who actually read this blog) of you know, I like to sew. In fact, I've been making bags and selling them at local boutiques for the past several months. Needless to say, I've got loads of fabric. In fact, when I move, my fabric takes up more space than my clothes. Anyway, I realized the other night that I really need to start setting my priorities straight when I had a nightmare involving my fabric.

I dreamt that I was housesitting for someone and when I came inside the house, there was a man waiting for me with a knife. He held me at knifepoint and told me that he needed money. Instead of asking me for money (perhaps he knew that I didn't have any), he made me cut all my fabric up into 1-ft squares so he could sell the pieces on ebay. I was so distraught in my dream--not because I had a knife to my throat but because I would not be able to make anything out of such a small piece of fabric.

I need a life.

This is what had me...

I hadnt read any Strongbad Emails lately, so Im feeling reminicent. This is the email that had me hooked...

Money changers in the temple...I kid you not.

So on Thursday nights, I work in the Salt Lake Temple cafeteria serving food. Tonight, I'm cleaning up and I see this sweet old temple worker leaving and I make polite small talk. He tells me that he's never seen me before, I let him know that I've been there about six months, and he says how happy he is to see me at the temple. Anxious to get going, I make a polite comment about him having a little snack in the cafeteria before his last session and he lights up and he asks, "Do you feel that you have enough energy?"
Confused and leary, I answer that I'm sure that I could always use more. He then asks me what I eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I sheepishly make something up (sorry for lying in the temple, but I'm pretty embarrassed by my poor diet). He then pulls out a bottle of Full Energy Inulin and proceeds to tell me what a difference it makes for him in his energy levels. From his pocket, he pulls a plastic spoon out of a baggie and asks if I'd like to taste it and so I do and politely say how good it tastes. Long story short, he asks me if I'd like to try some. I hem and haw and ask how much, and he says, "only 41.99 for a 1 pound bottle." Before I can think of an excuse to hightail it outta there, he says, "stay right there, I'll be right back." He is gone for a few minutes and I consider slipping out, but remember that I'm in the temple and I'll have to see this good brother every Thursday, so I stay. He comes back with a BRIEFCASE full of this stuff, and shows me a very small $41.99 bottle of Inulin (which, FYI, on the website is $39.99). I tell him that I am a poor teacher and cannot afford such goods, so he gives me a gift of a sample size of the following: Silver, sugar-free nutritive bullets made with 100% Inulin
Apparently, I'm supposed to take one of these 15 minutes before running and any other time I need a boost. My question, what is Inulin? To me, it sounds a bit like Insulin, and that's not good.

Anyway, sweet old man. I'm not interested. When I got home, I looked at the bottle closer, and this "miracle pill" is bottled in Holladay, Utah, and the sweet brother's name was Brother Silver.

Let's face it, we're all barbies.

I'm afraid that it is inevitable. I'm living in Utah, which Barbie will I become?

I live on the East Bench.

"East Bench Barbie" This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

I work in Kearns.

"Kearns Barbie" This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

I do taxes in West Valley

"West Valley Barbie" This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. White boy Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

I drive a subaru.

" The Avenues Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Avenues Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

I went to school in Provo.

"Provo Barbie" She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always at church meetings.

Kira's Ode

Okay, one more tonight.

Kira just finished her ode, so here it go... (es):

I know, I know… it's been way too long,
So I type this ode, to right my wrong.
I wish to say that much has changed,
I'm sad to say I'm still deranged.

The same old story, I'm still at school,
Why talk of this? It is sooo cruel.
I'll write of Cyd, and our party,
I wish we had invited someone named Marty.

It's really hard to rhyme with things like fondue,
I'd have to end my sentence with words like glue or pooh.
Oh crap, my sentences are now getting really really long…
I think maybe this isn't going to finish so strong.

It's 2:47 and we still are awake,
That must've been an awesome party, they must have had cake.
This ode is weak, I know, don't lie.
With this shame, I say goodbye.

For more from Kira, visit her blog.

Happy New Year! 2007

BEFORE

The effects of alcohol are apparent, kids. Don't drink and drive.

Don't drink and have your picture taken either.

DURING

An Ode

I've never been one to ode
but this I'll try for you, my friend.
You begged, you plode
(which means pled, but I had to find
something that rhymes with ode)

Kira is by me, the master of odes.
But she's drawing a blank, so here I goes...

ahh, crap. I'm no good at this.
Instead, I'll just show you a picture of my grandpa riding his tricycle.

Sarah and I met in St. George last weekend to visit my grandparents. They live in a retirement community and all the old men go out every morning for a ride on their giant tricycles. My grandpa loves this thing. He tells me, "You can ride a tricycle when you're a little boy and you can ride a tricycle when you're an old man." So my sister found this t-shirt and bought one for her son and one for my grandpa:
By the way, Kira and I had a fondue party tonight. It was nothing like the epic fondue party we had in AZ, but there were some good memories relived tonight.